Neymar to retire from professional football to become Olympic diver

The Liberator has learned that the Brazilian striker Neymar is to end his career in Association Football, in order to pursue a career in Olympic diving. The dramatic move is said to have been prompted by professional diving coach Humphrey Greenslade, who had been in the stands watching Neymar during the 2-0 win over Costa Rica on Friday.

Speaking to our sports correspondent in Russia, Greenslade said: “I was at the match on Friday – when I’m not training, my second great love is Football. But what I saw from Neymars’ performance was not Football, but something different – something very different.”

“His form, his technique when he went down in the box looking for that penalty – I thought to myself, ‘this is incredible’. I’d never believe he hadn’t been trained in diving from an early age. He is genuinely the most gifted diver I’ve ever seen, totally wasted in Football. So I asked him after the game, ‘do you want to win a gold medal in 2020′? After the way Brazil have been performing in the group stages, I think he was just excited at the prospect of winning something, so to my amazement he said yes!”

The Liberator asked Neymars’ current club Paris Saint-Germain for comment on this story, but they declined to respond.

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