How to tell if you’re watching the World Cup with somebody racist

With the World Cup in full swing amidst a glorious summer, it’s safe to say that football fever is currently gripping the UK. The beautiful game has seen some beautiful moments so far, with fans relishing the chance to talk with friends and loved ones about special goals, controversial VAR decisions, and tournament picks.

However, with so many games coming so thick and fast, many are finding themselves in uncharted footballing territory that’s resulting in a peculiar challenge: How to tell if you’re watching with somebody who might be a bit racist.

Whether watching on the office TV with co-workers or in a pop-up beer garden, there are plenty of us merrily taking in games with people we barely know.  Naturally then, the question becomes: is there a quick, foolproof way to determine if any of them may have racist views? Only then can we sort the wheat, in the form of footballing friends for life, from the chaff, in the form of bigoted dunderheads.

So, we’ve put together a handy guide for our loyal readers . Below you will find examples of both racist and non-racist football patter, designed to help you gauge whether you should dump your pint over the person standing next to you. Lets look at our first examples:

“It’s definitely between Kane and Lukaku for the golden boot at this World Cup. It’s a tough call, but in reality I think Belgium might go deeper in the tournament so Lukaku might just shade it.” – This footballing patter is non-racist. It describes aspects of the tournament that have happened so far, and the direction it might go in in future.

“That Australia captain looks like the shoe-bomber.” – This footballing patter is racist. It implies that Mile Jedinak is a terrorist based purely on physical attributes. The idea expressed is that he resembles a Muslim, and that all Muslims are terrorists. In fact Mile Jedinak is not a terrorist, he is a footballer who currently plays for English club Aston Villa.

Here is another couple of examples:

“Spain have been the team to watch for me so far.” – This footballing patter is non-racist. It expresses an opinion on a team that is perceived to be strong, and thus may pose a challenge to whoever faces them.

“I honestly can’t tell any of the Japan players apart.” – This footballing patter is racist. It implies that all Japanese people look alike, when in reality the supposed difficulty in telling them apart stems from a problem with both the eyes and brain of the person who uttered the sentence.

Still don’t have enough to go on? We’ll give you one final go at it:

“I think Willian is criminally under-rated, personally I’m not surprised to see Barcelona in for him.” – This footballing patter is non-racist. It expresses admiration for the Brazilian attacking midfielder Willian.

“I feel sorry for the Mexicans drawing Brazil in the next round, but I suppose they’d rather be out there than back home trying to get over the fence into the States.” – This footballing patter is racist. It implies that all Mexicans are impoverished and may be prepared to violate immigration law in search of a better life.

And that’s your lot, faithful readers – you should now be able to tell if you’re watching the World Cup with somebody racist. The more you know!

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