VAR technology could be used in relationships ‘within 3 years’, experts say

Video Assistant Referee (VAR) technology could be used to mediate disputes in relationships within 3 years, experts have revealed. Despite its controversial use at this years World Cup, members of the think tank ‘The Institute for Stuff’ believe the system could be used to mediate arguments and give rulings on who said what when.

Institute for Stuff spokesman David Phoneme gushed thusly: “We believe VAR technology has proven its value at this years World Cup, and can see fine potential for using it to resolve human conflict. We believe it could be particularly useful in close relationships where both sides are entrenched, perhaps wanting to kill each other, and where neither party is able to see things objectively.”

“Only last night I was forced to quickly close my laptop as my wife entered our bedroom. I was buying her an anniversary present, but she remains utterly convinced I was looking at photos of her sister in a bikini from her Marbella 2016 Facebook album. If we’d have had VAR, it would have put a stop to that argument before it started. Of course I shouldn’t have been browsing incognito, but that’s beside the point.”

“This kind of thing happens all the time. A couple who I’m friends with had a fight the other day because she asked him whether they should have a takeaway that evening, and somehow they ended up in a rage-fest about who does more of the washing up. It’s madness, and someone needs to put a stop to it. The report we’ve released today outlines the various ways in which VAR could help.”

When asked whether the government was behind using video technology to enter peoples’ personal lives in this way, Mr. Phoneme responded: “(The) response has actually been very positive. In fact there’s a poor chap working for John Bercow who’s expressed great interest in using it in Parliament, so that every time he gets verbally castrated there is hard video evidence.”

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