UK To Have Strong Words With Saudi Arabia At Next Contract Signing

The UK is to have some bloody stern words with Saudi Arabia during the next round of arms sales negotiations, it has been revealed today. The news follows the disappearance and suspected murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, with many speculating that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was behind the plot.

The international community has so far been resolute in saying various assorted words about the tragedy. Donald Trump said of the incident: “A total con job, very sad. No collusion”, while France’s Emmanuel Macron and German Chancellor Angela Merkel both released a joint statement saying: “This, I don’t need”.

Now the UK has added to the clamour, with the Foreign Office releasing a statement saying it would have a bloody word with the Crown Prince the next time we’re negotiating with him over arms sales. The statement reads:

“The UK Government condemns, in the strongest possible noneconomic terms, any proven allegations of murder by the Saudi Crown Prince. We have been very clear in the past the only form of murder we will accept from Saudi Arabia is in the context of the current crisis in Yemen, which is just fine.”

“Speaking of which, are you all right for guns? Let us know if you need any more guns, on that number we gave you. But anyway, during the next round of arms sales we intend to have a full and frank discussion over why the UK was not informed of the intention to make Jamal Khashoggi disappear. If we’d known, we could have offered consultancy services to you. Now there’s fucking bad press everywhere, what were you thinking? Just keep it quiet next time.”

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