The sneaky bastards over at the European Union are trying to prevent the UK from taking a shit with its clothes on, The Liberator can exclusively reveal today. Following Parliament’s decision to reject Theresa May’s withdrawal agreement with the EU, it had been expected that the country would leave with no deal on Friday April 12th.
Those hoping to experience the sensation of soiling themselves while having a patriotic orgasm are set to be disappointed, however. It turns out the EU have a tricksy habit of planning and thinking things through, and are set to offer the UK an extension.
In a development which Jacob Rees-Mogg described as “bang out of order”, the UK could end up remaining in the EU for up to another 12 months. Speaking on behalf of the hard-right ERG group within the Conservative Party, Rees-Mogg elaborated:
“This is just another example of EU meddling. Here we were having a perfectly orderly meltdown and constitutional crisis, and they feel the need to step in and offer us time to collect our wits and come up with a plan. Well I say to them: ‘Nein, Fritz’. Enough is enough. If the will of the people is to take a shit with our clothes on, then that is just what we’ll do.”
When asked about ERG plans to try and disrupt the EU’s budget and legislative agenda if the UK were to remain a member, Rees-Mogg was equally unambiguous:
“Perfidious Albion will be quite difficult to deal with, I assure you. The EU may not want us to be intransigent, but they should have thought about that before being supportive of our decision to leave.”