Donald Trump Insists That Conference With Putin Never Happened

US President Donald Trump has issued a bizarre statement referencing his recent appearance with Vladimir Putin, in which he insists that the event never took place and that everyone is totally batshit for thinking that it did.

Trump courted extreme controversy on his recent visits to the UK and Helsinki, as he sought to undermine Theresa May and then refused to criticise Putin for Russian election meddling. After distancing himself from those earlier remarks, the President now appears to have gone a step further and claimed that the Helsinki conference itself never happened.

“Total fake news”, Trump said. “It’s like some kind of CNN fever dream or something, all these people claiming they saw me with Putin. News flash folks, I’ve never met him before”.

Speaking at a press conference in which he appeared increasingly agitated, Trump went on to issue several other strange statements that seemingly had no relevance to the questions being asked. One reporter enquired as to how he could deny having met with Putin despite there being extensive video evidence of the event. Trump replied, somewhat cryptically: “Hilary Clinton’s emails”. He then hastened to add: “The missing server”.

When asked if he regretted comments in which he described the EU as “a foe”, Trump simply said: “There was no collusion”. As several puzzled members of the press talked to each other to try and understand what was happening, a reporter from Reuters made a further attempt to coax a coherent answer from the President.

Asking whether he had spoken with National Security Adviser John Bolton about the fallout from the summit, Trump appeared to think about the question for a moment. He then replied: “A McRib, probably. But I love a good KFC bucket too”. He then thanked those assembled and made a quick exit from the room, bumping into several chairs as he left.

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