Donald Trump has today sensationally claimed that his longtime lawyer and ‘fixer’ Michael Cohen is an invention of the fake news media. The statement came at a press conference given by Trump shortly before he was due to fly out to the planet Mongo, where he will hold a historic summit with Ming The Merciless.
Trump has been increasingly anxious about what Robert Mueller may know about the ‘Trump tower Moscow’ deal, with indictments against key people in the President’s orbit said to be imminent. Yesterday Michael Cohen admitted lying to Congress about various aspects of the Moscow deal, with many speculating that the plea may have incriminated Donald Trump Jr. as well. However, Trump denied all knowledge of Cohen’s existence when asked about the matter by the press.
“Michael who? I’ve never heard of him. Sounds like fake news, folks” Trump replied when asked about the guilty plea. “CNN at work, ladies and gentleman. Sad, really sad. The fact is, I’m my own lawyer, I always have been. I am the best lawyer, so great. Why would I need anyone else to do a deal? I get the best deals. Not that there was any deal. No collusion at all. But even if there was, it’s okay folks, it’s okay. So I would say that this Michael Cohen doesn’t actually exist, if the fake news media actually cared enough to look into it”.