Tony Blair ‘Still Alive And Saying Things’, Report Finds

A thinktank has today released a report stating that Tony Blair is still alive and sticking his oar in just about everywhere. The document, titled ‘Echoes Of The Past: Why Some People Won’t Just Fuck Off’, reveals that the former Prime Minister is still just as desperate for attention as ever.

“It’s getting quite sad, really. The more he pipes up, the more people just want to tune out” revealed, Marcus Brigley, the research paper’s senior editor.

“Just recently he’s been harping on about this or that person being unelectable, that the centre ground needs to be reclaimed. As if that means anything at all coming from a vaguely human-shaped bag of piss and lies.”

Researchers polled 11,000 members of the British public in order to get their thoughts on Tony Blair. When asked to rate how strongly they agreed or disagreed with certain statements, an overwhelming 170% of respondents said they agreed that Blair should ‘wind his fucking neck in’. Other popular sentiments included the former Prime Minister being seen as ‘duplicitous’ and ‘monstrously ugly, both inside and out’.

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