Senate Democrats Eyeing Bill To Protect Objective Truth

Senate minority leaders have stepped up their efforts to force a reading on a bipartisan bill aimed at protecting reality from presidential overreach. Minority leader Chuck Schumer has urged senators from both sides of the aisle to “recognise the debt we all owe to physical absolutes” and “stand up for the self-evident when no one else will.”

Republican Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has repeatedly refused to schedule debate of the motion, arguing that “it might not even be necessary. I have seen very few signs that the president is absolutely, positively going to strike down any of the accepted tenets of existence.”

McConnell, the senior senator from Kentucky, then added: “I cannot squander legislative resources on a bill that has, maybe, a two or three percent chance of being unnecessary.”

The proposed legislation is specifically aimed at preventing the president “undermining or eliminating any aspect of objective reality, be it mathematical, physical, or biological” without due cause.

“The Senate recognizes the president’s authority to deny reality if he so chooses,” says Republican senator and co-sponsor of the Ontology Bill, Jeff Flake, “but we are a nation of physical laws, and sometimes you need to act to protect those laws if you want to prevent a full-blown existential crisis.”

Supporters of the bill deem it necessary in light of the president’s comments disputing the findings of scientists and jurors, his own previous comments, and people with two or more working senses.

Follow us on Twitter

News | Society | Sport | Opinion