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Most Millennials “Enormously Relieved” At The Prospect Of Working Until They Drop Dead

An in-depth study of Millennial workers has revealed that the majority relish the prospect of labouring until they die.

The findings show that, contrary to popular opinion, few people in the millennial age bracket ever hope – or want – to leave the workplace in their autumn years. “Frankly, we were astonished,” said lead researcher Cassandra Case. “So many of our 260 participants told us that they were relieved retirement won’t be an option.”

“When my dad retired, my mum was worried that he wouldn’t be able to cope with the change of routine,” explained Participant #75, a 29-year-old digital marketing vice-executive from Nottingham.

“I’m thankful every day that this struggle will never be a reality for myself, my partner, and our children. I won’t have to cry into my issue of Saga magazine or visit the same local National Trust property for the fifteenth time.”

Participant #205, a 32-year-old nurse from Southport, told the researchers that retirement has a bad reputation. “In my line of work, I’ve noticed that retired people tend to be sick a lot. Actually, they die quite often. It makes you think, you know?”

However, a minority did express more nuanced opinions.

“I didn’t really understand what ‘retirement’ meant before I took part in the study,” said Participant #14. “No one at work has ever mentioned it. My career guidance lady definitely didn’t. But I’ve done a bit of research, and maybe it would be nice. I don’t know, though. It’s a blessing to think that I’ll be spared thinking about when to retire, what to do with my time, that sort of thing.”

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