McDonnell Urged To Distract From Anti-Semitism Row By Going Fully Mental

John McDonnell has been urged by the Labour leadership to go ‘fully mental’ in order to distract from the antisemitism row currently engulfing the party. A key source close to Jeremy Corbyn told The Liberator that McDonnell has been strangely subdued in the current crisis, despite his obvious talent for grabbing headlines:

“We haven’t heard a really great, classic John McDonnell quote in a while, and I think that is starting to hurt us. What would really help right now would be for him to go on Andrew Marr and just say something crazy – really up the ante, you know? Something like ‘hang anyone earning over £30,000’, or ‘free railcards for gerbils’. That should give us a break from antisemitism headlines for a few days at least.”

Some have suggested this move is part of a wider distraction strategy being employed by Labour. Other schemes reportedly in the works include getting Keir Starmer to record a Brexit-themed Christmas album, and having Emily Thornberry start a fight in a local Wetherspoons.

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