It has emerged today that Liberal Democrats are still unsure what the fuck to do about anything. While many assumed that the party had decided to just lay down and die after the 2017 snap election, a source from inside the Lib Dems says this is inaccurate.
However, it’s far from clear what the party’s immediate aims should be, given its lack of influence over both policy and public opinion:
“For the last time – yes, we do still have a conference. It’s not made up” party member David Gort told The Liberator. “It’s just that, well… there aren’t really any events or speakers, as such. No-one’s really sure what exactly we should be saying or doing anymore.”
“We’d really hoped that our post-coalition wipeout was the nadir for us, but it turns out we had further to fall. When we were in power, we were despised. When we’re in opposition, no-one knows or cares who the hell we are. It’s a tricky one, for sure.”