Larry the cat to stand in for Theresa May in televised debate

Downing Street has today confirmed that Larry the cat, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, will act as the stand-in for Theresa May during a televised debate with Jeremy Corbyn. The debate is being tabled ahead of a crucial Parliamentary vote on the Brexit deal on 11th December, and is seen as a key part of the Prime Minister’s strategy of selling this crap to everyone.

The announcement has drawn parallels with May’s disastrous 2017 election campaign, in which she repeatedly ducked the chance to appear in a head to head against Corbyn, before finally agreeing and then, like, totally wussing out and sending Amber Rudd to do it instead. A spokesman for the Prime Minister confirmed in a statement:

“As many of you will have already anticipated, our glorious leader is currently curled up in a ball at the prospect of having to face scrutiny and talk to normal people. Signing up to a TV debate seemed like a good idea at the time, but then we all remembered what Theresa May is actually like. So Larry will be going to represent the government instead.”

Despite some initial reluctance by Cabinet Ministers, the ploy has come to be regarded as a shrewd one. Although Larry has refused to publicly outline his position on Brexit, this is counterbalanced by the fact that he’s a cat and people love him. He’s also seen as a more serious policy wonk than either May or her usual body double, Amber Rudd. Asked what the Chief Mouser’s private thoughts on Brexit were, the spokesman continued:

“Privately, Larry thinks we should ask to leave the EU about 20 times, and then once the door is open that we should just stare out of it for a while and not go anywhere.”

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