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Labour expands Brexit policy to include option of ‘La La La I’m not listening’

Labour is considering a further expansion of their Brexit policy, following fears that the current model may result in actual decision-making. New ideas under consideration include tabling a motion of ‘La La La I’m not listening you can’t make me do anything’, and emergency measures to bury parliament in 60,000 tonnes of sand.

Under Labour‘s current proposals, if Theresa May’s deal is voted down then their first action will be to seek a general election. If that fails, they have kept the option of a second EU referendum ‘on the table’. However there are now worried signals emerging from the leader’s office that the current plan may push Labour too close to actually doing something. Party spokesman Dave Eagleton told The Liberator:

“Whichever way you cut it, we’re going to have to take a decision soon. If we have an election, we’ll have to stand on something – Brexit or no Brexit? Same with a new referendum – people will want to know where we stand once and for all. We’re running out of road, and what we really need right now is a way to keep being noncommittal.”

Although he stressed that no ideas had been firmly ruled in or out as yet, Mr. Eagleton revealed that one policy in particular had been gaining traction in recent days:

“There’s a lot of support for the plan to bury parliament in actual sand. The hope is that if we all emerge in say, a thousand years, maybe Brexit will be over and we won’t have to decide anything after all.”

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