Futurama cartoon characters Jack Johnson and John Jackson are reportedly set to join Chuka Umunna’s gaggle of vapids, The Liberator can reveal today. The new Independent Group of MPs, comprised of both Labour and Tory defectors, have been busy laying out plans for how to be inoffensive to the electorate by offering and standing for absolutely nothing. Johnson and Jackson are seen as critical to these plans, with possible leadership roles under discussion.
The Independent Group’s launch was judged a stunning success by political standards. Although founder member Angela Smith went and gone done a racism on the telly on the first day, she then apologised for it so that was all fine.
Although some accused the group of having a problem with institutional racism – given that Ms. Smith is 10% of the group’s membership and apparently a racist – it is not thought that the group has crossed the arbitrary threshold in Chuka Umunna’s head for this.
Given the polarisation gripping the country – with the two major parties consolidating 80% of the vote between them at the last election – some have questioned the wisdom of forming a new centrist party.
A spokesman for the group responded to the criticism by saying that “the 29 moderate people left in Britain have been ignored for too long. It’s time to inject some mediocrity and nothingness back into British politics.” When asked if the MPs planned to trigger by-elections to see if their constituents agreed with them, the spokesman simply howled with laughter.
Rumoured policies being put forward by the group include a second EU referendum and letting rich people do whatever the fuck they want as long as they occasionally pay a moderate amount of tax.