Ivanka Trump is reportedly in the running to become Venezuela’s next President, if Nicolas Maduro’s troubled regime should fall. The First Daughter declared on Twitter that she ‘kinda likes’ the idea of running a smaller country before inheriting her father’s position as CEO of the United States.
Donald Trump is said to be keen on his daughter getting some work experience, and could use her performance in Venezuela to gauge whether she is ready to lead a country that matters more because white people live there. Power brokers in Washington are also sold on the idea – with interim Venezuelan President Juan Guaido attracting only lukewarm support so far, Ivanka is seen as the ‘best for America’ candidate.
Action committees are currently deciding on how best to implement the First Daughter’s latest flight of total fucking whimsy. There are formidable barriers to her nomination, including a lack of Venezuelan citizenship and any knowledge of or interest in the country. Her insistence on doing the job part-time while still running her fashion enterprise could also be problematic.
One plan thought to be in the works involves creating a new Venezuelan identity for her, where she would go by the name ‘Ivanka Trumpez’. This would allow her both to pose as a citizen and escape any baggage associated with the whole mess of shit that she’s from.
The 37 year-old talent vacuum was previously being considered for President of the World Bank (no, really), before declining the position on the grounds that it offered limited photo opportunities for her Instagram account.