Home Office sent Sajid Javid ‘to fetch tartan paint’

Emails leaked from inside the Home Office have revealed that employees sent the Home Secretary Sajid Javid on a trip to ‘fetch some tartan paint’. The fools errand, often used for hazing a naive new employee, was apparently designed to keep Javid out of the way so the department could become more inhuman and immigration target-obsessed again.

During one email exchange between two senior colleagues discussing their new boss, one remarked:

“I don’t like him (Javid)… he’s too human. All this stuff about us not just going by the numbers on immigration but having a heart, and maybe we’ll find a brain and some courage too. The party’s over, if you get me.”

The other employee later replied:

“Don’t worry – we can keep him (Javid) out of the way. The work must continue – I’ve just bought a boat, I’m only 5 deps (deportations) away from that 10k bonus. I’ve already asked him (Javid) if he could pick up some tartan paint on his way in this morning, that should keep him going for a while :D”

The leaked documents reveal a culture of ‘deport at all costs’ at the Home Office, with Sajid Javid seen to be impeding things by insisting that people be treated with a modicum of dignity, and that common sense be applied to all cases. The Liberator reached out for comment on the leaked emails, but the Home Office declined to respond.

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