Scientists Find That Conservative Grip On Power “Strongest Force Known To Man”

Scientists working in central London made a remarkable discovery today during the crucial vote of no confidence in Theresa May’s government. Seismological instruments, which were originally set up to monitor various aspects of Crossrail construction, registered a huge geological event shortly after the confidence vote. Scientists described the force that was unleashed as ‘unprecedented in both scale and power’.

It is now believed to have been generated a result of the Conservative Party’s collective refusal to relinquish their grip on power. One of the scientists who was present during the discovery told The Liberator:

“At the exact time of the vote, we registered a huge geological event. I mean it pretty much broke all our instruments. We now firmly believe it was a result of the Conservative’s sheer force of will in clinging to power.”

“I mean, this is a party that’s at each others throats, tried to get rid of its own leader, has presided over the biggest government defeat in history, and been found in contempt of parliament. And that’s just the last month. They must really fucking hate the idea of socialism to keep propping up their own garbage fire of a government.”

Asked what the future might hold after this incredible discovery, our source continued:

“It’s remarkable really, because if we could harness it, this energy could be the strongest force known to man. It could provide free, abundant, clean power for generations. On the other hand today also signals the beginning of the 1,000 year Conservative Reich, because if they won’t go now then they literally never will. So, swings and roundabouts I guess.”

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