Another moron confused the concepts of weather and climate today, in a statement that scientists referred to as “depressing”. 44 year-old Simon Graveley, from Kent, claimed on social media that global warming was a myth perpetuated by what he called the “low-energy lightbulb mafia”.
Citing the recent snow that has brought parts of the UK to a standstill, Mr. Graveley mind-spewed that “cold weather means the planet can’t be warming up obvs are you dumb or something?” The post went hella viral within seconds, being shared 43 billion times on the micro-blogging platform Nitwit.
Scientists were quick to point out that the difference between weather and climate is – much like the difference between real experts and cretinous armchair pundits – all-important.
“We tend to measure weather in terms of what is happening over a few days or weeks” said climate scientist Jim Worsley, in an interview on BBC3’s flagship morning show What The Fuck?
“Whereas we measure changes to the climate over decades, or even longer. To conflate the two is like saying I’m going to have a fat pension in 30 years because I currently have a fiver in my pocket.”
Asked whether he was irked by unqualified social media influencers muddying the waters around climate change, Dr. Worsley implied that the smug gits would finally get theirs one day. “Lets just say there are plans in place that will deal with those sorts of people. When the shit hits the fan and Earth becomes uninhabitable, there are contingencies.”
“I can’t go into too much detail, but certain climate deniers won’t be granted places aboard certain interplanetary arks that leave the Earth in search of a new home. That’s all I’m saying, I’m sorry I can’t be more specific.”