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China Threatens To Ban America’s Ali Express Account

China has threatened to shut down the United States’s Ali Express account, in a sign of escalating global trade tensions. Ali Express is China’s answer to Amazon, a site where people can pick up electronics and other goods for a fraction of the cost they can be found elsewhere.

A source close to the Chinese President Xi Jinping revealed they were taking the unprecedented action after being backed into a corner:

“We’re taking this unprecedented action after being backed into a corner. Donald Trump is imposing tariffs on Chinese goods left and right, but we have already prepared our retaliation. They are going to be banned from Ali Express. We’ll see how far they get without being able to buy cheap MacBook clones.”

America is expected to retaliate further in the face of this latest escalation, seeing it as a step too far.  US Senator Jobe McQuarick said: “Fine, they want to play rough? We will respond by taking away China’s Netflix account. Your move, guys.”

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