Aides Replace Documents From Trump’s Desk With Colouring Books

Key Trump officials have begun replacing important documents from Donald Trump’s desk with colouring books, in a move designed to keep the President occupied. Journalist Bob Woodward’s tell-all account of the Trump White House revealed that Gary Cohn regularly removed documents from Trump’s desk, fearing he might sign something that would fucking kill us all.

Now another source close to the President has revealed that further deception has become necessary:

“He’s begun noticing that there is less paper on his desk, which is a real blow. If he asks about a missing document, well… there’s no easy way out of that one really. So it’s all about getting him to not notice. We’ve started slipping some children’s books on to his desk to keep him occupied – Colouring Books, Where’s Waldo, that kind of thing. As soon as he sees one of those, he’s totally engrossed.”

The precarious situation inside the West Wing is becoming more apparent by the day, with our source going on to describe a recent tense moment which nearly resulted in war with Mexico:

“One time, we were sitting down for a briefing about the escalating trade war with China. And out of nowhere, he (Trump) just said: ‘Destroy Mexico. I want it gone’. He was deadly serious.”

“We all just looked around, trying to think of what to do. Luckily someone had the bright idea to scribble the words ‘Donald Trump’ on a piece of paper and then hand it to the President. By the time he was done staring and smiling at it, around 20 minutes, he’d forgotten all about wanting to blow up an entire country.”

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